I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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