Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
its not stalking. its research.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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