Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
