These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
