i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
