I looked at my own cervix.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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