found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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