Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize