I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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