We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
