I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
