How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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