So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
