i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
