is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
