the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
