nut hugger
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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