i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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