She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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