I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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