Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
