You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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