I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
