And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
