I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
