Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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