okay pat passed out under dana's car
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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