3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's Friday. Sex?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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