sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
