Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
