Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
