i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
