i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
