i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
