First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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