we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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