And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We have so much sex to catch up on
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
