Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
pray to the hookup gods
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
