Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
