Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
