Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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