how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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