omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
