Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
