I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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