Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
