my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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