How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
