trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
