I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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