i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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