How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
