there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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