I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
