I skipped work to stalk him.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
