somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
