It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize