dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
