end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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