Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
