Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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