You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
