Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
