I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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