her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
