If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize