his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize