Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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