I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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