he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize