i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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