yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
