Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
