Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
