I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
