It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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