Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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