There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
