i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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