Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize