I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize