HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
