TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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