Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
