Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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