Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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