My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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