dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
