allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize