First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
