Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
