no, he came in my armpit
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
