Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
