I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
