so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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