I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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