I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He kissed a someone with a penis
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
