Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
