I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
