Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
