meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
