Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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