I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
