So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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