vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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